Recommendation for a successful couple relationship

Monir El-Shazly
Oct 8, 2018
3 min read

(Written by: Reinhard Lier – Edited by: Monir El Shazly)

– Respect parents, one’s own and the those of the partner – Respect former steady relationships, one’s own and the those of the partner. – Don’t talk about intimate things from previous relationships – When one partner brings children into the relationship from a previous relationship, they take precedence over the new partner. – Neither one tries to rule with his/her opinions and values. Both are open to giving up own things for a new, common base. – Neither one tries to remodel or control the other one (“You are right for me, just the way you are”). – Both long for each other and both want each other – Both fully stand to each other in public – Both are emotionally open, meaning both are aware of their feelings and able to communicate them (and have the courage to do so!). – Both are open for personal growth and are willing to help each other through the process by being absolutely present. – They share a lot of common interests, values and issues. – The time together (closeness) shall be created consciously, however, each one may (and must) have time for oneself, since appreciated closeness comes from healthy distance! All ideas of permanent fusing are childish fantasies and bound to fail. – Both give and take, this should grow increasingly over the years. Give and take unites. – There are some “bad sentences” that may put pressure on the other one and set a limit to love. These sentences should definitely be avoided: Do you love me? – when we don’t feel the others love, it is too late anyway. You should love me more! – When can this possibly be fulfilled? This wish has to be expressed more concrete so that the other one knows when he/she fulfilled it. I can’t imagine life without you! – This sentence puts a lot of pressure on the other one because now he/she has to stay to prevent misfortune of the other. I will kill myself, if you leave! – Any kind of suicidal threats poisons a relationship. Actually, in this case, the threatened one has to leave right away (and the other one is advised to seek therapeutic help) – Both have a healthy portion of self-esteem, are able to live by themselves and are capable of loving oneself. Then jealousy is not an issue. -Both are in mental, spiritual and physical (sexual) harmony with each other. – They have common goals, beyond the couple’s relationship. This goal can be their children, but it can also be a professional or private project. – When they have children together, the children are ranked after the relationship. It is primarily important to take care of the couple relationship and to encourage the flow of love through give and take. Then this love will flow to the child through the parents. The child is relieved when the parents are doing well, since this relationship is the base of its life. Thus, the parents should let the children stay with the grandparents once in a while and go on a little vacation together; a good way of nourishing their love-relationship! – The children must not be concerned about their parent’s relationship. They have to accept the parents just the way they are and are not in the place to claim (I’ll accept and embrace you, when you are different…..). Parents can expect their children to embrace them just the way they are with all their flaws. Passing on life counts more than human flaws.